As a followup to the discussion of gender and sexual norms in Pakistan, I am sharing this book review of Komail Aijazuddin’s Manboobs: A Memoir of Musicals, Visas, Hope and Cake.
Manboobs–Komail Aijazuddin’s new memoir–joins a short list of books describing the experience of being a queer South Asian man. Aijazuddin–a Pakistani-American visual artist and writer–tells the story of growing up as an effeminate and overweight boy in 1990s Lahore and of his later life first studying in and then immigrating to the US. He describes the dilemma of being perceived as too gay in Pakistan and too Pakistani for the US gay community. In the US–especially in the immediate aftermath of 9/11– Aijazuddin feels he is perceived first and foremost as a brown skinned Muslim and thus doesn’t fit in with the mainstream gay community. At the same time, he faces difficulties adjusting to adult life in Pakistan since–as an unmarried man living apart from his parents–he is treated with a certain amount of suspicion. He also has to face the increasing fundamentalism of Pakistani society in the early 2000s. This latter aspect comes through most strongly when he describes his father’s reaction to the murder of Salman Taseer–the incumbent Governor of Punjab at the time of his assassination.
The book opens with little Komail wearing his mother’s high heels and singing along with a video of the Broadway musical A Chorus Line. He describes wanting to play Ariel in The Little Mermaid and being forced to play Prince Eric instead because of his gender. Later, he details how he is bullied at “The Academy” (which Pakistanis will recognize as the prestigious Aitchison College) because of his lack of interest in playing sports. These experiences will be relatable to effeminate boys everywhere. As a fan of musical theatre, I was particularly intrigued by Aijazuddin’s use of Broadway references. For example, he describes the temptation to quote from Evita during a hookup with an Argentinian student in college. Musical theatre aficionados will appreciate these little in-jokes.
Aijazuddin does an excellent job of describing the experience of studying in the US in the immediate post-9/11 context, even at a supposedly liberal institution such as NYU. In his journalism class, he pitches an article on the registration process that Muslims were required to go through at airports. The professor reacts by asking why the general public would be interested in that. This reaction reflects how uncritically most Americans at the time accepted the need for the Bush administration’s “War on Terror”. One would like to think that this reaction reflects the time period and that a college professor today would not feel comfortable openly expressing such an opinion. Another example of not fitting in in the US is the way that his fellow art students become completely silent when asked to critique any art produced by people of color (a phenomenon known as “the silent room”).
Aijazuddin also poignantly describes the way that South Asian parents will “tolerate” their child’s non-normative sexuality as long as it is never spoken about. The scene where he comes out to his mother and has to deal with her quite bigoted reaction is particularly well done.
The memoir is written in a witty and engaging style and never gets too heavy though it deals with serious subjects such as racism, homophobia and religious fundamentalism. Overall, I would recommend it to those interested in learning more about the queer South Asian experience.
Addendum: I am adding a link to this interview with Komail given at the bookstore “Books Are Magic”. It is moderated by Kareem Khubchandani.
