Apprehension (translation from the Urdu)

Sharing an excerpt from a translation of another short story by Bilal Hasan Minto. The whole story can be read here. 

Farhat Auntie’s apprehension had been lingering for many years. She once told Ammi she suspected Fizzu Uncle didn’t believe in Allah and had perhaps become a Hindu. Farhat Auntie’s suspicion was aroused when Fizzu Uncle obtained the Hindus’ thick religious book, the Gita, from somewhere and began reading it with concentration. When Ammi heard this, she bit her nails and agreed with Farhat Auntie that her husband had always reeked of idolatry. She added without thinking that she was sure he had always been an idolater and had tricked Farhat Auntie into marriage by passing himself off as a Muslim. Ammi also expressed the opinion that one didn’t become a Muslim simply by having the azaan recited in one’s ear. Faith was the real thing.

Farhat Auntie took this to heart. When she reached home that day, she told Fizzu Uncle bluntly he would have to own up to his religion. Had he become a Hindu or some other type of unbeliever? Had he always been like this and married her deceitfully or had he only recently become a non-Muslim?

Uncle replied that he hadn’t deceived her because she had never asked his religion. Farhat Auntie was stunned. She said everyone was Muslim and if he wasn’t he should have let her know. He lied to her. Fizzu Uncle was surprised to hear that everyone was Muslim, but remained quiet at the time. Farhat Auntie started screaming that he shouldn’t sit calmly and think she would put up with this. She would seek a divorce if she had to. Fizzu Uncle reminded her there wouldn’t be need for that; he had already conceded her the right in the marriage contract, precisely so that if one day she no longer wanted to live with him, she wouldn’t have to run around the courts getting him to divorce her.

“But what’s the need for this? We are getting along fine,” he had said.

“Getting along fine? Fine? We Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslims. You must clearly declare your religion.”

Fizzu Uncle had said it wasn’t such a simple issue. There were many complications and he couldn’t yet say with certainty what his religion should be or whether he should even have one. He wanted to study these things and reflect on them so he could reach an informed decision on whether to adopt a religion at all and, if he did, one that would be acceptable to both his head and heart.

“You should also study these things,” he said.

“Study? Study? Stop talking rubbish! I am a Muslim and if you are not a Muslim then our marriage was invalid. That was not a marriage!” Then she started sobbing and said that if he wasn’t a Muslim it meant she had been living a life of sin.

These grim and scary remarks should have prompted Fizzu Uncle to reassure Farhat Auntie or at least remain silent, but he couldn’t keep himself from saying:

“If the marriage contract was invalid, then divorce is also unnecessary. We were never married in the first place. ”

But, fortunately he also said that legally he remained a Muslim because he had never, ever, anywhere, announced he had a different religion and by virtue of being born in a Muslim household, he would be considered one.

This consolation had not done much to soothe Auntie. Instead, she wailed and repeated Ammi’s remark that being born in a Muslim home or having the azaan recited in one’s ear was not enough. If you didn’t have faith in your heart, you weren’t a Muslim.

That very day, Farhat Auntie went back to Ammi and narrated this story. She said she would separate from that man or divorce him or do whatever was necessary. Ammi sympathized with Auntie but didn’t seem convinced that she needed to separate or get a divorce. She didn’t want any such storm in Farhat Auntie’s life and regretted her earlier blunt words that had brought matters to this pass. All at once, she recalled what Fizzu Uncle had said to Farhat Auntie:

“You have a young son. What’s the need for such a huge step? Look, I have no great sympathy for that man but if the law says what he has claimed, then there must be something in it. He hasn’t yet declared he wasn’t a Muslim at the time of marriage. And, if you pay attention, he hasn’t said he isn’t a Muslim now.”

Ammi’s words reassured Auntie a little, but not all that much. She wept some more before regaining control and saying:

“I will go ask what he was when we got married.”

“No, no,” Ammi said. “Don’t ask him anything. Don’t make that mistake. Who knows how he might respond? Stay absolutely quiet and try to ensure he doesn’t ‘study’ anything.”

“But what if he himself declares at some point he is not a Muslim? Then what will I do? Nudrat, would I live in sin with such a man? Shall I live in fear all my life he might say he is not a Muslim or, even worse, that he was never one in the first place?”

“Enough. Be quiet. If you don’t ask, he won’t say it.”

After Auntie left, Ammi told the entire story to Abba, looking at him suspiciously. She finally couldn’t keep from doing what she had told Auntie not to. She went ahead and asked Abba what kind of friendship existed between him and that man? What did they talk about ? Had Abba become a non-believer or a Hindu like him?

Abba first tried to explain that Fizzu Uncle was not a non-believer or a Hindu. He was only searching. And for now, he was most likely a Muslim.

“OK, he’s a real Muslim,” Ammi had said sarcastically. “What’s he in search of, the owl-eyed one? Tell me?”

Abba explained further that Fizzu Uncle thought just as different exercise regimens existed for physical health from which you could choose the one that best suited you, so there were different regimens for the health of the soul. He was only searching to find which religion would be right for his soul.

“Wah Wah!” Ammi laughed loudly. In Punjabi, she said: “He hasn’t ever done any exercise for his body and now he’s so concerned about his soul? He’s talking rubbish, the dishonorable fellow! And if he dies while searching, he will go straight to hell!”

Abba tried to clarify that Fizzu Uncle believed searching sincerely was as good as finding the truth and choosing the right religion for oneself. But he saw Ammi becoming increasingly enraged so he left the remark unfinished and fell silent. Ammi had asked point-blank if Abba was also searching for some such regimen? At once, Abba denied that vehemently and said there was nothing of the sort, God forbid. Ammi must not have been completely convinced but she didn’t pursue the matter further. This time, she acted on the advice she had given Farhat Auntie — to keep quiet and not ask at all lest it be proven correct that one had really been living in sin.